5 life lessons that I would like to teach my daughter

1. Respect for parents
Any parent no matter if they are rich or poor want their children to have the best and they would go to any extent,  undergo any sacrifice to ensure that their children don't miss out on anything. As a child I was aware of the sacrifices my parents made for me.  But being a mother has given me a whole new perspective. So my dear daughter, no matter where life takes you just remember that there are two people who love you unconditionally no matter what. In return all they ask for is you to remember them and respect them. 

2. Focus on Education
I cannot emphasize how important education is. I know many people cite Sachin Tendulkar's example to make a point that a degree is not necessary in order to be successful. But that is just a one off instance. Without a proper education you are nobody in this world.  Education gives you the financial independence to face the world with self confidence. 

3. Marry wisely but don't expect your marriage to be a fairy-tale  
Never marry for looks or money or simply due to peer pressure. Marry the person who will be the rock in your life, who will stay with you in difficult times. Don't go around looking for your tall dark and handsome prince charming. Rather  marry the person you can share your golden years with.
Marriage is not all rosy contrary to what you see on TV.  Unlike the happily ever after ending, the real challenges kick in after you get married. There are  adjustments, misunderstandings etc which may lead to fights and but don't let your ego get in the way of love. 

4. Count your blessings
Life is a race and the moment you get what you want there will be more goals in front of you. Better job, higher salary, bigger house, bigger car the list is endless. Its only human to want something better in life but  don't let this quest ruin the journey. Just take a pause sometimes and be grateful for what you have. Think of the less fortunate ones who don't have what you do and would gladly trade places with you. 

5. Eat healthy and exercise 
Though you may not realize the importance of this at a young age, I cannot stress how important it is to eat healthy food. You may give yourself the occasional treat of junk food but don't make it a way of life.  A healthy lifestyle  will go a long way in keeping sickness at bay. Plus staying fit makes you feel good about yourself.

Am I a bad mother?

Inspired by my childhood poems, decided to write one...

Am I a bad mother  if 

Sometimes I feel like completing a meal in one go?

Or feel like watching an undisturbed round of my  favorite TV show?

Sometimes I feel like spending exclusive time with hubby

Maybe a candle light dinner or simply watching a movie ?  

If  sometimes I miss the highs of my full time job?
And giving  it all up for my kid sometimes makes me quietly sob?

If sometimes an uninterrupted cup of tea I would like to enjoy?

Or sometimes I just don't feel like playing with jigsaw puzzles and other toys  ?

Sometimes I feel like spending time with friends,
And going for shopping and dining trips immense?

If sometimes I  feel bored of the cajoling and coaxing

And ensuring my child finishes her meal sometimes I find taxing?

If sometimes with the tantrums I am unable to put up with

And I feel  bored of narrating stories, singing lullabies and brushing teeth?

If sometimes spending some 'me' time is all I wish?

Maybe reading my favorite book or just lying around as much as I please?

I love my daughter so much, she's the best gift I could receive

But just sometimes if I miss the above, dear God will you forgive?

Holding my child in my arms, being able to touch and caress

Are out of the world feelings that I would never trade for anything else. 

But just sometimes I miss  life's little pleasures

And being able to enjoy them is all the heart desires

No I don't think I am a bad mother

I am but a human being just  like  any other

5 must haves for a successful daily soap

This post is also published on www.womensweb.in at  5-things-about-daily-soaps-that-completely-baffle-me/

1.      Large extended super rich families all living in peace and harmony

This is a sure shot formula for success.  Normal nuclear middle-class families where both partners work in a bid to catch up with inflation, pay huge EMIs and try to strike a balance between work life and kids are a strict no no. Instead larger than life stories far away from reality are the norm. Wondering how such extended families can co-exist so happily? Well don't forget the basic rule of the thumb while watching these shows,  keep your brains aside.  

2.      Women dressed to the nine.

No matter what the time of the day is, the women in the house should be geared up to flaunt their silk sarees and jewelry. Be it 6 am in the morning or 11 pm at night, the ladies should always have their lipstick and mascara intact. I wish they would share their secret with me for even a half hour stint in the kitchen leaves me drenched with sweat and my hair strewn as if I have run a marathon.  

3.      18th century ideologies packaged under the guise of culture and tradition which portray women in a most regressive way

 A few women clad in ghunghats under the guise of culture or women who are meek and submissive under the pretext of respect for elders or advocacy of superstition in the name of religion are the main ingredients behind a successful telly show. Well much as I  would like to question the sanity of the people who religiously follow such shows who am I to question this super hit formula? 
Rather I would like to use this platform to thank the people behind these shows for enlightening us ignorant folks about what is ‘right’ & ‘moral’ & what all decent women should do. Thanks to you now all would be mothers in law look for girls who can function as full time housekeepers, thanks to you we see matrimonial ads which go like “Wanted dutiful, obedient girl with good moral values”, thanks to you a career-oriented woman is considered immoral.

4.      Good women 

Now don't be misguided by the dictionary meaning of good for in the context of telly soaps good refers to a woman who possesses the following qualities:

• Her ‘Good’ behaviour often borderlines with foolishness
• She is straight out from a black and white film with "prannath main tumhare charno ki daasi ” attitude
• Her sugary sweet behaviour is often the reason for her mother in law’s diabetes, and makes you want to throw up
• She firmly believes silence is golden
• She would rather have the earth swallow her than defy her mother in law even for the most trivial matter
• She considers it a sin to dress in any attire other than sari or salwar kameez
• She has the ability to cry at the drop of a hat
• She follows a strict code of conduct by speaking only when spoken to
• The sole purpose of her life is to keep everyone in her family well fed

5.    Bad women

Again don't be biased by the literal meaning of this word, it merely refers to a woman who meets the following requirements:

• She has a flair for hatching evil schemes against family members
• She adheres to a strict dress code which includes low cut blouses and loud make-up
• Secretly listening behind doors is one of her prime duties
• She has least one extra marital affair preferably with a married man
• She dares to make her own decisions
• The whole purpose of her life is to plot against others
• She is bold enough to pursue a career

A side note though – Dear makers of these shows, with all due respect, I do not find your shows entertaining; rather I find them illogical, degrading to women and regressive. So please wake up. The world has progressed; it’s high time you move on too.

Six things I have learnt from my 3 year old

1) Take pleasure in the small things in life. So be it just watching pigeons from the window or licking her fingers while eating chocolate, the expression on her face is worth watching. We adults are always in the pursuit of some bigger pleasures that we miss out on the finer joys in life. We miss out on our present.

2) Show your appreciation.  Many times Anagha randomly comes and hugs me and kisses me. Ask her why and she will say because you picked me up from school or because you gave me water to drink. This is something we should definitely learn from kids because many a times we hold back on even saying a simple thank you, not because we don’t want to but because we let our egos come in the way.

3) Laugh heartily. Anagha laughs for simple things and her laughter is so from the heart, so genuine that it makes me wonder why we adults are eternally grumpy and grieving about something or the other. 

4) Do not hold grudges. Many times I lose my patience and yell at Anagha unreasonably.  But children forget easily and forgive even more easily. So when I go to Anagha after a while she gives me her same sweet smile and goes on blabbering normally as if nothing has happened. Again something worth learning, life is too short to hold on to bitter thoughts and playing blame games on whose fault it was. Just forgive and let go of the resentment, it will save you precious time.

5) Go slow. We adults are always in a hurry. We finish the chore at hand and rush towards the next task.  But kids enjoy each and everything they do. So after giving Anagha a bath she splashes water in the tub and only comes out after the last drop of water has drained from the tub. She does not treat bathing as a chore but fully enjoys it. If we adults treat chores which we anyways have to do with a little more enthusiasm wouldn’t it make the work at hand a little less taxing?

6) Be content. We have told Anagha  that every time she finishes a meal, God will reward her with a candy in her father’s pocket. So after finishing a meal she very religiously prays to God with her eyes closed and hands folded while I quietly slip the candy in my husband’s pocket. Anagha then comes and check’s her dad’s pocket and when she gets her sweet, she is elated.  She gleefully runs off to say thank-you to God and then munches on her chocolate. That is it, she is satisfied, she does not ask for more. Again, a lesson worth learning since we adults are never satisfied, whenever we get what we want, we always crave for more.