If only.....

If only we had the courage to confront our fears. If only we stopped fearing the consequences of our actions. If only we were able to silence our doubts. If only.....

A lot of "If onlys" but no answers. Yes its true.Many times we give in to our fears. We give our problems a lot of weigtage and consider them to be of a much bigger magnitude than they really are. Our fear of  facing the repercussions of our actions keeps us from confronting our problems for too long and eventually they appear impossible to handle.

Be it a job related decision like job change, taking up/leaving a job, moving houses/relocation or a decision related to the child like school change/diet change,   we fear change.We do not want to move out from our comfort zone. We are afraid of shadows. Our inhibitions lead us to put up with sufferings which we could put an end to if only we had the courage to tackle them. How else can you explain the fact that sometimes people suffering from chronic illnesses choose to endear excruciating pain rather than face treatment/ surgery just out of fear? 

I've had my own apprehensions which caused me a lot of sleepless nights. Fears about exams/studies,  about career, about cooking, and many more. But most of the times I have  been surprised by how easy it was when I tackled my most dreaded fears.

Now that I am a mother, most of my fears revolve around decisions related to my daughter. For instance my daughter had a thumb sucking habit. I was afraid to try something drastic that would make her give it up as I was worried about how she would react. I was afraid of dealing with the aftereffects of making her give up thumb sucking, namely the tantrums, screaming, spending sleepless nights.  I had really given up and thought it was impossible to get her to give it up. But when she finally gave it up , I was surprised at how easy it was.  Just the fear of the repercussions was keeping me from trying.

I guess the really difficult part is making up our mind, of resolving within ourselves to take charge and change the situation. If we are able to do this, half the battle is won. But most of the times, we do not have the courage to take this small step. Our fears pull us back. 

If only we had the courage to confront our fears. If only we stopped fearing the consequences of our actions. If only we were able to silence our doubts. If only.....

Voice of a smart phone

Let me tell you a story,
The story of my life,
How I evolved from an electronic gadget,
To an integral part of your life.

I made a very humble start,
For calling and texting I was devised,
There was no chatting or emailing ,
Very basic needs I sufficed.

And then my future generations evolved,
More trendy, sophisticated and stylish,
With loads and loads of features,
We gave you pure bliss.

Thus slowly and stealthily,
Into your life I crept,
So much so that life without me,
You now find hard to adapt.

I've got you totally hooked,
You cannot stay away from me,
And even a few seconds,
Feel like an eternity.

You use me for your every need,
Be it online gaming or shopping,
Connecting with the world or internet search,
Chatting with friends or social networking.

Whenever you  have a few minutes,
To me you sneak,
Be it checking emails or whats-app,
You just can't resist a peek.

Just as you need air to breathe,
And food and water to thrive,
I've become a necessity
That you need in order to survive.

If I'm plugged in for charging,
You feel lost and lonesome
If by mistake you leave me home,
It's like you've left back a vital body organ.

No need to chat with strangers,
In order to kill time in a bus or train,
Who needs friends or relatives,
When I'm around to entertain.

No need to waste time
During commercial breaks on TV,
Even while playing with your kid,
You can simultaneously toy with me.

Boredom and loneliness are at bay,
When I'm by your side,
Who needs nosy neighbors,
When I'm around as your companion and guide.

I've connected you with friends from far
And made distances, time zones disappear
So what if I've made you insensitive
To the needs of ones who are near.

When hubby is discussing a work issue,
Or mum is sharing a recipe,
Or kid is animatedly describing school fun,
You are too engrossed with me.

You put me before everyone else,
I feel like I've achieved a great feat,
For in order to seek your attention,
Your dear ones must with me compete.

Childhood days...

Poem reliving memories of my childhood days.........

Wonderful were those days
when we were young
Without a care about the world
Life could never go wrong.

Living in our childhood home,
Feeling safe and protected
Ignorant about life's harsh realities,
A happy and carefree life we led.

Dad shielded us from the big bad world,
Mum wiped away our tears
In our parents caring arms
We lived without any fears.

Caught up with studies in school
Called teachers names,
Played with friends in the evenings, 

badminton and other games.

We loved ice creams and cakes
Pastries, chocolates and lollipop
Playing in parks filled us with glee
We looked forward to visiting toy shops.

Woke up late on Sunday mornings
Spent endless time in front of the TV
Played video games and watched cartoons
Mickey mouse and Tom and Jerry.

Did homework, praticed craft
Read books and stories untold
Rode bicycles, Played with dolls, 
We lived in our own make believe world.

Get together with cousins during summer vacations,
Laughter and good times galore
Playing card games, eating pani puri
Enjoyment to the core.

Laughed for the silliest reasons
And sometimes shed tears
Did whatever we wanted and wore what we liked
Spoke our mind without any fears.

No worries about housework, 

No insecurities about career
No tensions about kids or
What to cook for dinner.

No egos to hone
No pretenses about life,
No appearances to keep up
No pride to cause strife.

No regrets about the past
No dissent about today
No fretting about the future,
Come what may.

No fear of criticism or misunderstandings,
No tensions about facing humiliation
Anger, hurt, resentment, mistrust or hatred
Such emotions were alien.

Such was the beauty of childhood,
The realities of life were unknown
Sometimes I wish I was still a child,
Sometimes I wish I'd never grown.

For somewhere along the journey
From little kids to grown ups,
We payed a huge price
The innocence of childhood was lost.

The challenges of being a stay-at-home mum

Has anyone ever thought about the challenges of being a stay at home mum? Just like a working woman has to put up with targets, pressures and deadlines, so does a stay at home mum. Why ? Well simply because she is 'at home'
For instance her home is expected to be spick and span all the time. So what is the kid is throwing toys around the house at all times and the husband is too lazy to put his stuff in place? She is expected to clean after them.
And her kids are supposed to be well-behaved at all times. In the case of a working mom it is alright if the kids are not on their best behavior or don't do that well in studies. After all their mother is working so they get that extra leeway. But a a stay-at-home mum is not given such allowance. One instance of bad behavior by the kid or one academic failure and she is instantly crucified for negligence. Does anyone realize what tremendous pressure this is?
She is not expected to require any domestic help. After all she has the entire day to do the household chores. But a poor working woman already has too much to do at her workplace,  so she cannot be burdened further with mundane tasks so in her case hiring domestic help is perfectly justified. 
If a stay-at-home mum is seen laughing and gossiping with her girl gang she is immediately criticized. Oh these housewives have nothing else to do the whole day than gossip about clothes and jewelry is what we hear. However it is perfectly okay for working women to have long coffee sessions with her friends in office. After all she needs a break from her stressful work.  Come on people, give the poor woman a break, a stay-at-home mum is entitled to a change from routine work as much as a working mum.
A stay-at-home mum is expected to be an excellent cook. If a working mom messes up a meal well so what? She probably has other important stuff to do than practice cooking.  But a stay-at-home mum has all day to hone her cooking skills. So there is no excuse or scope for error. One badly cooked meal and people are ready to pounce on her and tear her self confidence to pieces.
Isn't it an unfair expectation from any person not just a stay-at-home mum to never err?
I am ashamed to say that when I was working full-time, I felt the same way. However being a stay-at-home mum for the past 2 years has given me a whole new perspective and I realize how wrong I was.  Being a stay-at-home mum is a most challenging and underrated job. I'm not saying life is a bed of roses for a working mom but to be biased and judge someone simply on the basis of whether they are working or not is grossly unfair. It just results in undue pressure. 
So next time you think it is all play and no work for a stay-at-home mum, just remember that she has her own challenges which as as stressful as those of a working mom if not more. She is extremely fatigued of people peeking into her life and being critical of every aspect of it. So just respect her decision of being a stay-at-home mum and let her be.

Womanly women

When we were at my first job, me and my girl gang had created some 'womanly woman' rules. We were fresh out of college and did not have a care about the world. We loved a good laugh. What's a 'womanly woman' you wonder? Well , read the following rules and you will know for yourself. All womanly women possess these qualities and all those aspiring to be a womanly  women  should  adhere to them .

Note: I am sorry if this post is offensive to some people, but it was completely unintentional. I do not mean to mock anyone,  my only intention behind writing this post was to relive those good memories with friends.

1. Womanly women have long hair.
2. Womanly women have long nails gleaming with nail polish.
3. Womanly  women don't  laugh loudly, they shyly giggle.
4. Womanly woman always sit with their legs together and never with their legs apart.
5. Womanly women are experts in draping saris and can walk without tripping while wearing one.
6. Womanly women bat their eyelids when  speaking to a member of the opposite sex.
7. Womanly women always wear a bindi even if they are wearing western outfits.
8. Womanly women love wearing bangles on their hands and 'paayal' on their feet.
9. Womanly women are soft spoken.
10. Womanly women are pious and believe in fasting.
11. Womanly women are the unquestionable authorities  when it comes to religious customs and traditions.
12. Womanly women can cook and love cooking.

5 life lessons that I would like to teach my daughter

1. Respect for parents
Any parent no matter if they are rich or poor want their children to have the best and they would go to any extent,  undergo any sacrifice to ensure that their children don't miss out on anything. As a child I was aware of the sacrifices my parents made for me.  But being a mother has given me a whole new perspective. So my dear daughter, no matter where life takes you just remember that there are two people who love you unconditionally no matter what. In return all they ask for is you to remember them and respect them. 

2. Focus on Education
I cannot emphasize how important education is. I know many people cite Sachin Tendulkar's example to make a point that a degree is not necessary in order to be successful. But that is just a one off instance. Without a proper education you are nobody in this world.  Education gives you the financial independence to face the world with self confidence. 

3. Marry wisely but don't expect your marriage to be a fairy-tale  
Never marry for looks or money or simply due to peer pressure. Marry the person who will be the rock in your life, who will stay with you in difficult times. Don't go around looking for your tall dark and handsome prince charming. Rather  marry the person you can share your golden years with.
Marriage is not all rosy contrary to what you see on TV.  Unlike the happily ever after ending, the real challenges kick in after you get married. There are  adjustments, misunderstandings etc which may lead to fights and but don't let your ego get in the way of love. 

4. Count your blessings
Life is a race and the moment you get what you want there will be more goals in front of you. Better job, higher salary, bigger house, bigger car the list is endless. Its only human to want something better in life but  don't let this quest ruin the journey. Just take a pause sometimes and be grateful for what you have. Think of the less fortunate ones who don't have what you do and would gladly trade places with you. 

5. Eat healthy and exercise 
Though you may not realize the importance of this at a young age, I cannot stress how important it is to eat healthy food. You may give yourself the occasional treat of junk food but don't make it a way of life.  A healthy lifestyle  will go a long way in keeping sickness at bay. Plus staying fit makes you feel good about yourself.

Am I a bad mother?

Inspired by my childhood poems, decided to write one...

Am I a bad mother  if 

Sometimes I feel like completing a meal in one go?

Or feel like watching an undisturbed round of my  favorite TV show?

Sometimes I feel like spending exclusive time with hubby

Maybe a candle light dinner or simply watching a movie ?  

If  sometimes I miss the highs of my full time job?
And giving  it all up for my kid sometimes makes me quietly sob?

If sometimes an uninterrupted cup of tea I would like to enjoy?

Or sometimes I just don't feel like playing with jigsaw puzzles and other toys  ?

Sometimes I feel like spending time with friends,
And going for shopping and dining trips immense?

If sometimes I  feel bored of the cajoling and coaxing

And ensuring my child finishes her meal sometimes I find taxing?

If sometimes with the tantrums I am unable to put up with

And I feel  bored of narrating stories, singing lullabies and brushing teeth?

If sometimes spending some 'me' time is all I wish?

Maybe reading my favorite book or just lying around as much as I please?

I love my daughter so much, she's the best gift I could receive

But just sometimes if I miss the above, dear God will you forgive?

Holding my child in my arms, being able to touch and caress

Are out of the world feelings that I would never trade for anything else. 

But just sometimes I miss  life's little pleasures

And being able to enjoy them is all the heart desires

No I don't think I am a bad mother

I am but a human being just  like  any other

Six things I have learnt from my 3 year old

1) Take pleasure in the small things in life. So be it just watching pigeons from the window or licking her fingers while eating chocolate, the expression on her face is worth watching. We adults are always in the pursuit of some bigger pleasures that we miss out on the finer joys in life. We miss out on our present.

2) Show your appreciation.  Many times Anagha randomly comes and hugs me and kisses me. Ask her why and she will say because you picked me up from school or because you gave me water to drink. This is something we should definitely learn from kids because many a times we hold back on even saying a simple thank you, not because we don’t want to but because we let our egos come in the way.

3) Laugh heartily. Anagha laughs for simple things and her laughter is so from the heart, so genuine that it makes me wonder why we adults are eternally grumpy and grieving about something or the other. 

4) Do not hold grudges. Many times I lose my patience and yell at Anagha unreasonably.  But children forget easily and forgive even more easily. So when I go to Anagha after a while she gives me her same sweet smile and goes on blabbering normally as if nothing has happened. Again something worth learning, life is too short to hold on to bitter thoughts and playing blame games on whose fault it was. Just forgive and let go of the resentment, it will save you precious time.

5) Go slow. We adults are always in a hurry. We finish the chore at hand and rush towards the next task.  But kids enjoy each and everything they do. So after giving Anagha a bath she splashes water in the tub and only comes out after the last drop of water has drained from the tub. She does not treat bathing as a chore but fully enjoys it. If we adults treat chores which we anyways have to do with a little more enthusiasm wouldn’t it make the work at hand a little less taxing?

6) Be content. We have told Anagha  that every time she finishes a meal, God will reward her with a candy in her father’s pocket. So after finishing a meal she very religiously prays to God with her eyes closed and hands folded while I quietly slip the candy in my husband’s pocket. Anagha then comes and check’s her dad’s pocket and when she gets her sweet, she is elated.  She gleefully runs off to say thank-you to God and then munches on her chocolate. That is it, she is satisfied, she does not ask for more. Again, a lesson worth learning since we adults are never satisfied, whenever we get what we want, we always crave for more.

A word of advice

The world is full of people who have an opinion for everything under the Sun and a solution to every problem in the world particularly when it comes to parenting. And I am sick and tired of such people sticking their nose in my life and pouring bucketful of free advice.

            For instance my daughter has a weight problem. I know every mother feels that their child does not eat but my daughter genuinely does not. At 2.7 years she weighs only 9.5 KG and is underweight by 3-4 KG. Wherever I go I am drowned in a sea of suggestions related to feeding and weight gain that leave me feeling overwhelmed. From suggestions to give her vegetable soup, to give her dry fruits, milk shakes to let her drink water during a meal the list is endless. As if I am some dumb mommy who doesn't know what is best for my child. While some people pity me, at times people have literally stopped short of accusing me of mal-nourishing my child. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out and screaming my lungs out asking these people to stop, I know what works for my child I don't need stupid suggestions that I know for sure don’t work on my child.

 Then my daughter had a thumb sucking habit which thankfully I managed get rid of but only after I was inundated with millions of pieces of advice.

Not only on child-rearing but people have advice on everything. And people are so judgemental. When I joined back work when my daughter was only four month old people were quick to condemn me for it. When I decided to quit when my daughter turned two people were again at my throat for throwing away a thriving career.

While having an opinion and expressing it in public is not something I disapprove, uncalled for suggestions and passing generalized statements without having an Inkling of the situation at hand irritates me to the core. Thinking your way of doing it is right and crucifying the other person for doing something differently annoys me extremely. People have to understand that every situation is different and what worked for one person may not necessarily work for another. Anyways if such people were so mature enough to understand this in the first place, perhaps there was no need to write this post.

So my friends, the world is full of people who are waiting for an opportunity to pounce on you and bog you down with their theories and suggestions and no matter what you say or do, there is no stopping these so called well wishers from offering their two cents on every matter in life. I don’t think there is any easy way to deal such individuals without insulting them or sounding rude, I guess you just reach a stage where you learn to live with it.

Found My Peace

I have been working for the past 12 years. And suddenly due to reasons beyond my control, I have to quit my job. Taking this decision was not easy; there was turmoil of emotions in my mind. And even after taking the decision, the panic attacks wouldn’t stop.

On the one hand, I felt it’s just right to quit. Had I not played the role of a working woman long enough? Was it not time to give priority to other roles in my life? Be a wife & cook for hubby. Be a mum and listen to my daughter’s endless chatter all day. Be a daughter and visit my parents whenever I feel like and not be at the mercy of bosses and plead for leaves. Be a daughter in law and give my in laws the much needed respite.

On the other hand, I was afraid. Office environment was familiar and safe. Moving out from there into a different setup altogether and playing a different role, would I fit in? Would I be able to adjust?

Some of the apprehensions I had:

·         Losing my financial independence

·         Fear that everyone else would take me for  granted

·         Missing meeting friends and socialising in office

·         Fear of feeling restless after a couple of days.

·         Fear of being stereotyped as being a housewife.

·         Missing the sense of achievement felt after a good project delivery/appreciation received at work

Some of the things I was looking forward to after quitting:

·         Raising my child my own way

·         Long vacation without worrying about leaves

·         Not having the clock dictate every action

·         Not being at the mercy of others for child care

·         Spending “Mummy and Anagha” time J

·         No longer having to deal with the guilt of turning a blind eye to Anagha’s calls for mummy while I attend conference calls at home

I cannot recall the exact moment, date or time that was the turning point or for that matter the exact reason that triggered the change, but somehow all my fears have now vanished. I no longer regret my decision, this feels right.  I firmly believe everything in life happens for a reason, and so if I have been forced to quit, God has better plans for me. Perhaps it is this belief that has given me the strength.  Or perhaps the mere fact that I am so looking forward to do all the above mentioned things, that I am not thinking about anything else.

Earlier, I used to feel like I am wasting my life if I don’t work; now I feel I am wasting my life and not being able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life due to office hour restrictions.

Will I continue to feel this way? I don’t know. But for now I have found my peace.