Voice of a smart phone

Let me tell you a story,
The story of my life,
How I evolved from an electronic gadget,
To an integral part of your life.

I made a very humble start,
For calling and texting I was devised,
There was no chatting or emailing ,
Very basic needs I sufficed.

And then my future generations evolved,
More trendy, sophisticated and stylish,
With loads and loads of features,
We gave you pure bliss.

Thus slowly and stealthily,
Into your life I crept,
So much so that life without me,
You now find hard to adapt.

I've got you totally hooked,
You cannot stay away from me,
And even a few seconds,
Feel like an eternity.

You use me for your every need,
Be it online gaming or shopping,
Connecting with the world or internet search,
Chatting with friends or social networking.

Whenever you  have a few minutes,
To me you sneak,
Be it checking emails or whats-app,
You just can't resist a peek.

Just as you need air to breathe,
And food and water to thrive,
I've become a necessity
That you need in order to survive.

If I'm plugged in for charging,
You feel lost and lonesome
If by mistake you leave me home,
It's like you've left back a vital body organ.

No need to chat with strangers,
In order to kill time in a bus or train,
Who needs friends or relatives,
When I'm around to entertain.

No need to waste time
During commercial breaks on TV,
Even while playing with your kid,
You can simultaneously toy with me.

Boredom and loneliness are at bay,
When I'm by your side,
Who needs nosy neighbors,
When I'm around as your companion and guide.

I've connected you with friends from far
And made distances, time zones disappear
So what if I've made you insensitive
To the needs of ones who are near.

When hubby is discussing a work issue,
Or mum is sharing a recipe,
Or kid is animatedly describing school fun,
You are too engrossed with me.

You put me before everyone else,
I feel like I've achieved a great feat,
For in order to seek your attention,
Your dear ones must with me compete.

The challenges of being a stay-at-home mum

Has anyone ever thought about the challenges of being a stay at home mum? Just like a working woman has to put up with targets, pressures and deadlines, so does a stay at home mum. Why ? Well simply because she is 'at home'
For instance her home is expected to be spick and span all the time. So what is the kid is throwing toys around the house at all times and the husband is too lazy to put his stuff in place? She is expected to clean after them.
And her kids are supposed to be well-behaved at all times. In the case of a working mom it is alright if the kids are not on their best behavior or don't do that well in studies. After all their mother is working so they get that extra leeway. But a a stay-at-home mum is not given such allowance. One instance of bad behavior by the kid or one academic failure and she is instantly crucified for negligence. Does anyone realize what tremendous pressure this is?
She is not expected to require any domestic help. After all she has the entire day to do the household chores. But a poor working woman already has too much to do at her workplace,  so she cannot be burdened further with mundane tasks so in her case hiring domestic help is perfectly justified. 
If a stay-at-home mum is seen laughing and gossiping with her girl gang she is immediately criticized. Oh these housewives have nothing else to do the whole day than gossip about clothes and jewelry is what we hear. However it is perfectly okay for working women to have long coffee sessions with her friends in office. After all she needs a break from her stressful work.  Come on people, give the poor woman a break, a stay-at-home mum is entitled to a change from routine work as much as a working mum.
A stay-at-home mum is expected to be an excellent cook. If a working mom messes up a meal well so what? She probably has other important stuff to do than practice cooking.  But a stay-at-home mum has all day to hone her cooking skills. So there is no excuse or scope for error. One badly cooked meal and people are ready to pounce on her and tear her self confidence to pieces.
Isn't it an unfair expectation from any person not just a stay-at-home mum to never err?
I am ashamed to say that when I was working full-time, I felt the same way. However being a stay-at-home mum for the past 2 years has given me a whole new perspective and I realize how wrong I was.  Being a stay-at-home mum is a most challenging and underrated job. I'm not saying life is a bed of roses for a working mom but to be biased and judge someone simply on the basis of whether they are working or not is grossly unfair. It just results in undue pressure. 
So next time you think it is all play and no work for a stay-at-home mum, just remember that she has her own challenges which as as stressful as those of a working mom if not more. She is extremely fatigued of people peeking into her life and being critical of every aspect of it. So just respect her decision of being a stay-at-home mum and let her be.

Womanly women

When we were at my first job, me and my girl gang had created some 'womanly woman' rules. We were fresh out of college and did not have a care about the world. We loved a good laugh. What's a 'womanly woman' you wonder? Well , read the following rules and you will know for yourself. All womanly women possess these qualities and all those aspiring to be a womanly  women  should  adhere to them .

Note: I am sorry if this post is offensive to some people, but it was completely unintentional. I do not mean to mock anyone,  my only intention behind writing this post was to relive those good memories with friends.

1. Womanly women have long hair.
2. Womanly women have long nails gleaming with nail polish.
3. Womanly  women don't  laugh loudly, they shyly giggle.
4. Womanly woman always sit with their legs together and never with their legs apart.
5. Womanly women are experts in draping saris and can walk without tripping while wearing one.
6. Womanly women bat their eyelids when  speaking to a member of the opposite sex.
7. Womanly women always wear a bindi even if they are wearing western outfits.
8. Womanly women love wearing bangles on their hands and 'paayal' on their feet.
9. Womanly women are soft spoken.
10. Womanly women are pious and believe in fasting.
11. Womanly women are the unquestionable authorities  when it comes to religious customs and traditions.
12. Womanly women can cook and love cooking.

Just a housewife?

Yesterday I met an ex colleague of mine first time after I quit work.  When she saw me the first thing she exclaimed was "oh you have become so thin I expected you would have put on some weight since you are now relaxing at home". Though those were not her exact words what she meant was roughly on the same lines. 
How do I deal with people who think being a full time mum is less taxing than a job in the software industry?  
My typical day begins at 6:30 AM when I rush to prepare breakfast.  After hubby leaves for work at 7:45 AM it’s only me who has to do everything right from brushing my daughter's teeth to feeding her breakfast and bathing her. Only I know how daunting each of these tasks is. Rest of the morning is largely spent in cooking, getting my daughter dressed and dropping her to school. After a quick lunch I rush to pick up Anagha from school followed by chores like getting her changed, feeding her lunch and putting her to sleep after which I am so exhausted that I have to take a nap. Evenings are spent in again feeding Anagha, taking her out to play and dinner preparation. And of course in between there are miscellaneous chores like folding clothes, filling water, watering the plants, etc. By the time I am ready to hit the sack I am completely drained out and have zero energy left so where is the question of relaxing at home?
What people do not realise is that in an office job the work hours are fixed, you get paid holidays/vacations, weekends off and a heavy pay packet.  I work from morning to night with no weekend offs and no salary or appreciation for good work and yet people think I am relaxing at home. Forget appreciation, one badly cooked meal and I am at the receiving end.  Does it bother me that a very highly paid successful professional at one time, now I am reduced to doing mundane work?  Yes sometimes it does. I feel like I am losing my identity, I feel the urge to go out and do something.  So do I want to go to the lifestyle I had when I was working full time? Certainly not!

When I quit my full time job, I had this notion of that I am doing this for my daughter, I will be able to raise my child my way. To some extent I have been successful and my daughter has certainly started bonding with me much better than before. And I definitely feel relaxed not having to constantly worry about deadlines, take client calls at odd hours and having the freedom to do what I want and when I want. So then why am I complaining? I guess because it is human tendency to never be satisfied and always complain.  The grass is definitely greener on the other side of the fence.

Fair is not beautiful. .

You may read the title twice and even think I made a typing mistake when you see the heading of this post. Most people will consider my statement contradictory. Am I not in my right mind then to make a statement I know will be considered contradictory? Or am I downright mad? No, I am just a mother wondering how to bring up my daughter in this crazy world where fair is considered to be a synonym for beauty and beauty a pre-requisite for success.

How do I convince my daughter that skin color and external features are really not that important when we still see matrimonial ads in which prospective grooms are on the lookout of fair and beautiful brides?

At family weddings many a times I overhear well meaning aunts discuss how the groom is lucky to have got a fair bride. As if a fair bride makes a good wife!  How do I convince my daughter that such beliefs are extremely regressive and that any person (be it man or woman) should be judged by his/her character/education/achievements rather than by skin color or external features?

Whenever I turn on the TV, I see beauty cream commercials that promise the sun and moon if one applies a cream of their brand. How do I prevent her from becoming a prey to their marketing gimmicks? These ads propagate ridiculous lies about beauty creams helping get a job or winning contests. How do I overthrow this propaganda ?

How do I inculcate the belief that in order to be successful the prime requirements are hard work and determination and not good looks? That one needs to set goals, stay focussed and work towards them?

How do I convince her that beauty is skin deep and it is more important to be a good human being?

Though I have been lucky that my parents never let this bog me down as a child it used to bother me when my not so lucky cousins would be taunted that they would not get good husbands. How do I ensure that my daughter in turn grows up with the same self belief?

All these questions haunt me for I do not have answers. This infatuation, no I would rather call it obsession is very deep rooted in our culture. Unknowingly and in subtle ways, it has become a part of our lives. Frightening as it is, we have no option but to brace ourselves and live with it.

A word of advice

The world is full of people who have an opinion for everything under the Sun and a solution to every problem in the world particularly when it comes to parenting. And I am sick and tired of such people sticking their nose in my life and pouring bucketful of free advice.

            For instance my daughter has a weight problem. I know every mother feels that their child does not eat but my daughter genuinely does not. At 2.7 years she weighs only 9.5 KG and is underweight by 3-4 KG. Wherever I go I am drowned in a sea of suggestions related to feeding and weight gain that leave me feeling overwhelmed. From suggestions to give her vegetable soup, to give her dry fruits, milk shakes to let her drink water during a meal the list is endless. As if I am some dumb mommy who doesn't know what is best for my child. While some people pity me, at times people have literally stopped short of accusing me of mal-nourishing my child. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out and screaming my lungs out asking these people to stop, I know what works for my child I don't need stupid suggestions that I know for sure don’t work on my child.

 Then my daughter had a thumb sucking habit which thankfully I managed get rid of but only after I was inundated with millions of pieces of advice.

Not only on child-rearing but people have advice on everything. And people are so judgemental. When I joined back work when my daughter was only four month old people were quick to condemn me for it. When I decided to quit when my daughter turned two people were again at my throat for throwing away a thriving career.

While having an opinion and expressing it in public is not something I disapprove, uncalled for suggestions and passing generalized statements without having an Inkling of the situation at hand irritates me to the core. Thinking your way of doing it is right and crucifying the other person for doing something differently annoys me extremely. People have to understand that every situation is different and what worked for one person may not necessarily work for another. Anyways if such people were so mature enough to understand this in the first place, perhaps there was no need to write this post.

So my friends, the world is full of people who are waiting for an opportunity to pounce on you and bog you down with their theories and suggestions and no matter what you say or do, there is no stopping these so called well wishers from offering their two cents on every matter in life. I don’t think there is any easy way to deal such individuals without insulting them or sounding rude, I guess you just reach a stage where you learn to live with it.

Marriage - An overrated institution?

Marriage – An over rated institution?

Recently, I was reading a post from another blogger in which she had described how two colleagues at work were discussing how they think that marriage is an overrated institution. It got me thinking. It brought me to the age old question of why do people get married in the first place? I started thinking about the pros and cons of marriage and to my surprise found that there are more cons than pros.

So read on.

Disclaimer:  This post in no way means I am against marriage or regret getting married. On the contrary, I am happily married with a two year old daughter. This post should be taken in a very light note the way it was meant to be.

Reasons to not get married

·         Not being able to hang out with your girl gang and do girl things like shopping, movies etc. I don’t mean to say that marriage prevents this, but definitely the number of outings gradually reduce and eventually you find that you have no girl friends left, all are either “balancing work and personal life” or “taking care of children”

·         If you have annoying in-laws, having to put up with them

·         Having to change your food habits as per hubby. Again may not be true in all cases, but we women tend to pamper our hubbies, so we will prepare his favourite dish even if we don’t quite like it.

·         Moving away from your parents’ home, why should only women have to deal with the ordeal associated of moving out from your comfort zone into a new environment altogether?

·         Having to deal with the arguments, fights, nagging, shouting, screaming.

So why do people get married?

·         Love – you fall in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with him (In my opinion this sounds very filmy and cliché but my friends who have had love marriages might not agree)

·         Companionship - You get a best friend for life and a shoulder to lean on always

·         Experiencing motherhood – There can be no bigger joy; you have to be a mother to understand the feeling.

·         Social recognition. Marriage as an institution is recognised in society, perhaps people want to play a safe game and fall into that married category rather than being stereotyped as a single loner.

So here I am, not any closer to answering the age old question of why people get married. But my humble opinion is that marriage is a package, it comes with its share of happiness and grief, but in the end the pros outweigh the cons by a huge margin. 

English Vinglish

Recently, Sridevi made a comeback with a movie called English Vlinglish. Apparently, it is about a housewife learning to speak English. While I have not seen the movie, the title reminded me of the English syndrome that is very common nowadays amongst urban parents. Instead of speaking to kids in their native language, parents choose to speak in English. So nowadays in public places we often get to hear phrases like “Come here beta”, or “don’t do this beti” etc.  And this syndrome is not just restricted to older kids who at least have a fair idea about the language, but often tiny tots too who have no inkling of what is going on and have no option but to blankly stare back at the doting mommy.

What I find really amusing is, these parents themselves need lessens in English. How else can you explain “I tell doctor to give you kuch kuch??” (My sister heard this at her local paediatrician; apparently a Mommy was threatening her kiddo with an injection)!!”

 I fail to understand what are the intentions behind this English fad and what is it that these parents want to portray here? Are they merely trying to teach the language to the children by using it their first language?  If so, should they not make sure they speak it right first?  And again, what is the point? I mean a good English medium school will anyways teach them the language, so shouldn’t we ensure that our kids can at least speak our native language? Or do these parents just want to reveal how modern they are?

I can assure you, I am not against English. On the contrary, I am easily impressed by people who speak good English and I look down upon people who make grammatical mistakes and can’t get their pronunciations right. All I am saying is there is no need to speak the language to little children just to prove a point. There are other better ways for kids to learn the language, speaking in poor English to little kids who have no idea of what is going on does not seem like a good course of action to me!!

I was never ever spoken to in English as a child at home. Now I not only speak the language fluently, but also write fairly well.  My dad encouraged me to read a lot of books in a young age, and that is what I believe has given me a good command over the language. So I never feel the need to speak in English to my daughter. Many a times parents bitten by the English bug stare at me disapprovingly when they hear me talk to my daughter in my native language, as if I have committed a gory crime, but I don’t care. I feel a good English medium school along with a reading hobby is good enough to teach the language, so I will continue to talk to her in my native language.  Call me old fashioned if you like, but I hope my daughter will prove me right J

Housewife Syndrome

A couple of days back, one well meaning acquaintance from our building came to meet me. She wanted to know if I was interested in joining a “Beesi” group that she was starting. Not having the heart to refuse for fear of hurting the person in front of me, I actually found myself agreeing to join. It was actually a spur of the moment decision mostly triggered in an instant of self pity for losing my job in, a decision which I regretted the moment I uttered yes!  I started cursing myself from the minute she left.  What had I gotten myself into? I despise the word and more that that I despise the concept!

To all the ignorant folks, “Beesi” is an Indian version of kitty party. Each member in the group contributes a pre determined amount during each gathering. They then draw lots of all the members’ names. The person, whose name comes up, takes the entire amount home. Apart from the money factor, women use this opportunity to socialize, chat, and meet friends and gossip!

All my life I have looked down upon “Beesi” groups, kitty parties and gatherings of such kind. I thought of myself to be much above all this. I am a financially independent woman.” Beesi” is for those unfortunate women who have to rely on the meagre allowances that their husbands provide.  Such gatherings provide the means to buy that piece of jewellery they saw in the shop window or some other much sought after luxury which they have been yearning for a long time but would not otherwise be able to afford. I don’t need to do this I used to think, I earn money so I can buy whatever I want and whenever I want, I don’t really need to wait for such an avenue to make big money. To me Beesi was just a place for these typical housewives who have nothing better to do.These women have a typical mindset and their conversations are also so typical (ex. What they prepared for dinner, or what their hubby likes/dislikes) etc. They are blissfully unaware of what is going on in the world so there is no scope for any intellectual conversations.  Such gatherings were an opportunity for them to get together and gossip and show off their new clothes and talk about the latest scandals in the society.  I used to pity such women.

And now, against my wishes I would be one of them. I felt utterly disgusted and sorry for myself. Hubby also joined in the fun, started mocking me with comments like “now you are those typical housewives who attend kitty parties and roll papads on their terrace in their free time” !! Was this going to be my fate after quitting work? The very idea was depressing and I was demoralized to the core. Was my decision to quit totally wrong I began to wonder?

About two weeks have passed since this incident. So while I am no longer depressed about going to a “Beesi” party, I am not very much looking forward to it either. I am still having second thoughts about whether I would fit into the “Beesi” group, but nevertheless, waiting for my first party!  So Stay tuned and watch this space to read about my first Beesi experience! 

School Saga

As soon as my daughter turned a year old, I had well meaning relatives asking me if I had decided on a school for her. I did not take this very seriously, surely, you don’t get a one year old admitted to school I thought. However, more and more people joined in the chorus and I could no longer turn a deaf ear.

Let’s at least find out the age criteria to get admission into schools I thought so that I could silence all these ignorant people forever. However, I soon realized that I was the most ignorant of them all, for 1.5 years turned out to be the age you could actually get a child admitted to a playschool. It was like a bolt from the blue!!  As far as I knew, school started at JKG when the child turned 3. Little did I know that nowadays there is playschool and nursery to which kids are sent to even before their formal education begins!! This was a whole new revelation to me!

So read on about my journey towards enlightenment as I got myself educated about the current education system in India.

Playschool  or not?

Not to miss out on the race, I soon started researching playschools and even visited a few.  The teachers and staff assured me that in playschool there is no reading/writing, they just teach children basic stuff like shapes, colors etc. When I hesitantly expressed my concern about getting my kid admitted to school at such a tender age and inquired whether she can skip playschool, she was aghast!! She will miss out on the “playschool syllabus” she said!! Playschool syllabus?? Excuse me, you just told me you don’t teach kids anything in playschool, so from where does the syllabus part come in?

Nursery or Playschool?

Despite all the protests from everyone, we decided 1.5 years is too young for our daughter to go to school, this is the age for free play. So we decided to get her admitted to nursery when she turns 2.5. But my tribulations were far from over for now we were faced with another choice. Nursery in a small school to get her prepped up for JKG in a big school or nursery attached to a big school itself so there is no change of school in JKG.  If I went with the first option, that would mean a lengthy selection process for getting admission in JKG, while if I went with the 2^nd option, it meant directly getting my child admitted in a big school without having being prepped up for it in a smaller school. Sigh!! What do I do?

Which board?

Nevertheless, I decided to find out good schools in the area. When I posed the question to friends in the neighborhood  their answers stumped me!  While one friend suggested “abc” school, since it’s a CBSE school and CBSE board is very up to date, another said “xyz” school is good because it’s an SSC board school, so very easy for kids to study. But the best response I got was, “SSC has 1 book for every subject, CBSE has 2 whereas ICSE has 3, so obviously ICSE is the best”!!  Does having more books mean a better education system?  I had known only SSC board, since that is the board I studied in. Nowadays there is SSC/CBSE/ICSE/IGSE/IB and on and on. Whoa, and I thought choosing a school would be easy!

My verdict

It was while I was going through this unrelenting pursuit that something else dawned upon me. I studied in an SSC board school, in a small town in Goa.  Today I am a software professional in a good company earning a good salary. Above all, I think I am a good human being. And what is it that shaped me up? While I am thankful to my school and teachers for instilling good values in me, I will not deny the fact that my career is shaped a great deal because of my hard work. So will a posh school or a much hyped about educational board assure that my daughter has a great career? Not necessarily. What really matters is the determination and the inclination to do well.  Eureka!! That was it.

So while I am not really any closer in deciding which school to send my daughter to, I now at least know that I do not want her to go to a school that bogs her down with a lot of undue pressure in a bid to make her “competitive”.  I will not send her to a school simply to show off my socio-economic status. Rather, I want her to have a good balance between studies and fun, a place where she will look forward to go to every morning, a school with teachers who motivate her to perform rather than turn her into a bookworm.  Will I find my dream school? Keeping my fingers crossed.