If only.....

If only we had the courage to confront our fears. If only we stopped fearing the consequences of our actions. If only we were able to silence our doubts. If only.....

A lot of "If onlys" but no answers. Yes its true.Many times we give in to our fears. We give our problems a lot of weigtage and consider them to be of a much bigger magnitude than they really are. Our fear of  facing the repercussions of our actions keeps us from confronting our problems for too long and eventually they appear impossible to handle.

Be it a job related decision like job change, taking up/leaving a job, moving houses/relocation or a decision related to the child like school change/diet change,   we fear change.We do not want to move out from our comfort zone. We are afraid of shadows. Our inhibitions lead us to put up with sufferings which we could put an end to if only we had the courage to tackle them. How else can you explain the fact that sometimes people suffering from chronic illnesses choose to endear excruciating pain rather than face treatment/ surgery just out of fear? 

I've had my own apprehensions which caused me a lot of sleepless nights. Fears about exams/studies,  about career, about cooking, and many more. But most of the times I have  been surprised by how easy it was when I tackled my most dreaded fears.

Now that I am a mother, most of my fears revolve around decisions related to my daughter. For instance my daughter had a thumb sucking habit. I was afraid to try something drastic that would make her give it up as I was worried about how she would react. I was afraid of dealing with the aftereffects of making her give up thumb sucking, namely the tantrums, screaming, spending sleepless nights.  I had really given up and thought it was impossible to get her to give it up. But when she finally gave it up , I was surprised at how easy it was.  Just the fear of the repercussions was keeping me from trying.

I guess the really difficult part is making up our mind, of resolving within ourselves to take charge and change the situation. If we are able to do this, half the battle is won. But most of the times, we do not have the courage to take this small step. Our fears pull us back. 

If only we had the courage to confront our fears. If only we stopped fearing the consequences of our actions. If only we were able to silence our doubts. If only.....

5 life lessons that I would like to teach my daughter

1. Respect for parents
Any parent no matter if they are rich or poor want their children to have the best and they would go to any extent,  undergo any sacrifice to ensure that their children don't miss out on anything. As a child I was aware of the sacrifices my parents made for me.  But being a mother has given me a whole new perspective. So my dear daughter, no matter where life takes you just remember that there are two people who love you unconditionally no matter what. In return all they ask for is you to remember them and respect them. 

2. Focus on Education
I cannot emphasize how important education is. I know many people cite Sachin Tendulkar's example to make a point that a degree is not necessary in order to be successful. But that is just a one off instance. Without a proper education you are nobody in this world.  Education gives you the financial independence to face the world with self confidence. 

3. Marry wisely but don't expect your marriage to be a fairy-tale  
Never marry for looks or money or simply due to peer pressure. Marry the person who will be the rock in your life, who will stay with you in difficult times. Don't go around looking for your tall dark and handsome prince charming. Rather  marry the person you can share your golden years with.
Marriage is not all rosy contrary to what you see on TV.  Unlike the happily ever after ending, the real challenges kick in after you get married. There are  adjustments, misunderstandings etc which may lead to fights and but don't let your ego get in the way of love. 

4. Count your blessings
Life is a race and the moment you get what you want there will be more goals in front of you. Better job, higher salary, bigger house, bigger car the list is endless. Its only human to want something better in life but  don't let this quest ruin the journey. Just take a pause sometimes and be grateful for what you have. Think of the less fortunate ones who don't have what you do and would gladly trade places with you. 

5. Eat healthy and exercise 
Though you may not realize the importance of this at a young age, I cannot stress how important it is to eat healthy food. You may give yourself the occasional treat of junk food but don't make it a way of life.  A healthy lifestyle  will go a long way in keeping sickness at bay. Plus staying fit makes you feel good about yourself.

10 Parenting rules..

We parents always lay down rules for our kids to follow. But in this post, I would like to put down some parenting rules. I don't intend to say I'm a perfect parent because I know I'm far from perfect. I make mistakes and I know that even as I write this I will break my own rules and still end making the same mistakes.  If not anything, this post will at least serve as a reminder to get myself in order the next time I misbehave with my kid J

1.      Never lose your cool in front of children.  You may pretend to be angry but don’t really be. A parent in a fit of rage is the worst sight for a child. Moreover children ape parents so if you hit them more likely that they are going to hit you back.

2.      Just as you reprimand your child for bad behaviour, appreciate good behaviour too.

3.      Difficult as it is to control your temper when your kid is throwing a tantrum, refrain from throwing one yourself for this will only make matters worse. Instead, divert their attention (and yoursJ), and things will automatically cool down.

4.      You may have had a bad day, or be upset about something or at someone, but don’t take it out on the child. Children find such erratic behavior from parents very hard to comprehend and it confuses them.

5.      You got to become a child sometimes while dealing with children.  Sometimes scolding and yelling does not work but explain to them in a way that they understand and that will do the trick. 

6.      When your child is telling you something, don’t just ignore it as useless blabbering, but listen. And I don’t mean just hear what they say, actually listen to them and try to sort their problems. However small and insignificant it may seem to you, those might be the biggest problems they have.

7.      If you promise your child something, keep the promise.  This will not only build their trust in you, but will also go a long way in inculcating the quality of keeping their word.

8.      Rather than trying to keep your kids away on a busy day involve them in your work. Give them small tasks to do. This will keep them out of mischief and also help you bond with your child. Plus children love it when parents involve them; it makes them feel big and wanted.

9.      If you want your child to do something, tell them not to do it and 9 times out of 10, they will do it. Not only children, adults also have the tendency to do exactly the opposite of what they are told so this more almost works every time!!

10.  And finally, you need immense patience while dealing with kids. Kids take their own sweet time for everything, whereas we adults are always dictated by the clock.  Don't let this become a cause of battle between you and your child. Let your child be a child.

Smile

A smile can speak a thousand words. This is so true. So often we see people for years and yet are afraid to smile or acknowledge them. The reasons may be varied, we may be afraid of the other person not reciprocating or we may feel embarrassed about smiling at a stranger. But the truth is we just need to go that extra mile. It takes just a smile to break the ice.
Everyday I would take Anagha to the Ganesh temple near my house. There is this lady who visits too. We would see each other but pretend not to recognise and would see past each other. And then my trips to the temple became fewer and whenever I did visit I would not see her which got me wondering if all was well. Yesterday I met her after a long time, though we were both hesitant for a while both smiled at the same instant and the ice was broken. She enquired about Anagha and me about not seeing her for a long time. Nothing uncomfortable, on the contrary it felt like I had known her for ages. Just like that a new friend was made.
This and numerous other such experiences have led me to firmly believe that sometimes it just takes a smile and a kind word to not only make new friends but also open closed doors. So the next time you see a familiar face but are hesitant, just go ahead and flash a smile, and more often than not you will get it back.

A few words of wisdom

A child can teach you so many things. We play this little game with our daughter. Every time she finishes a meal, we ask her to pray to God to give her a toffee in her Dad’s pocket. She very religiously does this with her eyes closed, hands folded, while I quietly slip the toffee in my hubby’s pocket. She then comes to check her Pappa’s pocket and is so overjoyed on seeing her toffee; the expression on her face is worth watching.  That is it, she will not ask for more, she is satisfied.

It makes we wonder why we adults are never satisfied, whenever we get what we want, we always crave for more. Why can’t we look at the positive side of things and enjoy the present moment? Why do we always need something to look forward to in order to feel happy?

I quote, “Feelings are not emotions that happen to u, Feelings are reactions you choose to have”. Happiness is a state of mind. In our pursuit to achieve happiness, we often tend to ignore the things that we already have to feel happy about. So often we run after some illusionary future where life will be perfect and we ruin our present by comparing it with that nonexistent future life.  That perfect life is like a desert mirage. Even if you get what you want your life will never be perfect as long as you keep on longing for more.

I may sound very preachy here and I know it’s not very easy to practice, but try it. The next time you are fretting about an unhappy situation, just snap out of it and remember that nothing in life is permanent.  This is going to pass. So instead of wasting precious time being hassled by things beyond your control, focus on the positives in life and feel thankful about them. Believe me, it works like magic. 

A new beginning

I recently completed one month of being a housewife, or if you want to put it in more sophisticated terms, being a “stay at home mom”! People ask me how I feel, what do I do the whole day, whether I am regretting leaving behind a wonderful career etc.

My answer to all the above is I feel great. I have no regrets whatsoever. Some of the things I enjoy doing at home now:

Mummy and Anagha time

I love spending time with my daughter. Her endless chatter and innocent questions is music to my ears.  I cannot express in words how much pleasure I get from what may seem like trivial chores of feeding her, bathing her, changing her clothes, putting her to sleep, etc.  I no longer have to leave for office with a heavy heart about leaving my crying child behind. I no longer have to deal with the guilt about rushing my baby into breakfast and then give her a 2 minute namesake bath just because I need to dash to office. Now I let her splash in the tub as long as she wants; just watching her squeal with pleasure leaves me feeling satisfied.

I also look forward to our afternoon nap time.  We place games, we talk, I tell her stories and slowly she drifts off to sleep. I love stroking her cheek once she is asleep. Hugging your child tight once she is asleep gives you such a high which cannot be described; you have to be a mother to experience it. I have been deprived of this pleasure for a long time now and God alone knows the sorrow I felt. But now, I can hug her all I want, touch her whenever I feel like, and kiss her forehead once she is asleep. It makes me feel complete. It makes my decision to quit work worth it, it makes up for everything, and it’s the best joy in the world.

In the evening, I take Anagha for a stroll. We normally visit the Ganesh temple near my house. Anagha loves going there and I also feel peaceful there. I have had enough evenings being locked in my room at home taking work related conference calls, so this is a welcome change. I enjoy the cool evening breeze, and most of all, I enjoy holding Anagha’s tiny hand and walking with her.

Tiding my home

My husband will not like me saying this, but my number two priority after my daughter is my house.  For many years now, I have neglected my home and leaving it in the hands of others has always left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Now I actually get time for cleaning my home. I am not exaggerating here when I say that this really gives me a lot of pleasure.  I love rearranging the furniture in my home, I enjoy scrubbing the kitchen tiles, I like polishing the windows, after all it’s my home, I need to take care of it.  A home is like a baby, it needs your constant attention.   Of course it is really difficult to keep a house spotless when you have a 2 year old around who is ready to strew toys around the moment you put them away, but at least now you will no longer find dust accumulated on the TV cabinet and bills stacked up on the dining table waiting to be filed.

Kitchen adventures

From the time I quit working, I have started frequenting the kitchen much more. Always being in a hurry to rush to work, I have had to leave this chore to others leaving me with a guilt feeling of not being able to contribute enough. Now I have the satisfaction of being able to do my bit. I am not a great cook, so this is also helping improve my culinary skills.   

Conclusion

Many people may find this routine drab and monotonous, and maybe women who have not got the opportunity to pursue careers may consider me crazy for throwing away a successful career in return for a life of domesticity. But from my perspective, this is the opportunity to make up for all the years I have lost in my mad career frenzy.  I feel like this is the beginning of a new journey for me. I have never ever felt so rewarded in my 12 years of career as a software professional.  Maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and maybe once the novelty starts fading, I will start craving for a professional life. But till then, I will enjoy this respite.

Found My Peace

I have been working for the past 12 years. And suddenly due to reasons beyond my control, I have to quit my job. Taking this decision was not easy; there was turmoil of emotions in my mind. And even after taking the decision, the panic attacks wouldn’t stop.

On the one hand, I felt it’s just right to quit. Had I not played the role of a working woman long enough? Was it not time to give priority to other roles in my life? Be a wife & cook for hubby. Be a mum and listen to my daughter’s endless chatter all day. Be a daughter and visit my parents whenever I feel like and not be at the mercy of bosses and plead for leaves. Be a daughter in law and give my in laws the much needed respite.

On the other hand, I was afraid. Office environment was familiar and safe. Moving out from there into a different setup altogether and playing a different role, would I fit in? Would I be able to adjust?

Some of the apprehensions I had:

·         Losing my financial independence

·         Fear that everyone else would take me for  granted

·         Missing meeting friends and socialising in office

·         Fear of feeling restless after a couple of days.

·         Fear of being stereotyped as being a housewife.

·         Missing the sense of achievement felt after a good project delivery/appreciation received at work

Some of the things I was looking forward to after quitting:

·         Raising my child my own way

·         Long vacation without worrying about leaves

·         Not having the clock dictate every action

·         Not being at the mercy of others for child care

·         Spending “Mummy and Anagha” time J

·         No longer having to deal with the guilt of turning a blind eye to Anagha’s calls for mummy while I attend conference calls at home

I cannot recall the exact moment, date or time that was the turning point or for that matter the exact reason that triggered the change, but somehow all my fears have now vanished. I no longer regret my decision, this feels right.  I firmly believe everything in life happens for a reason, and so if I have been forced to quit, God has better plans for me. Perhaps it is this belief that has given me the strength.  Or perhaps the mere fact that I am so looking forward to do all the above mentioned things, that I am not thinking about anything else.

Earlier, I used to feel like I am wasting my life if I don’t work; now I feel I am wasting my life and not being able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life due to office hour restrictions.

Will I continue to feel this way? I don’t know. But for now I have found my peace.