Am I a bad mother?

Inspired by my childhood poems, decided to write one...

Am I a bad mother  if 

Sometimes I feel like completing a meal in one go?

Or feel like watching an undisturbed round of my  favorite TV show?

Sometimes I feel like spending exclusive time with hubby

Maybe a candle light dinner or simply watching a movie ?  

If  sometimes I miss the highs of my full time job?
And giving  it all up for my kid sometimes makes me quietly sob?

If sometimes an uninterrupted cup of tea I would like to enjoy?

Or sometimes I just don't feel like playing with jigsaw puzzles and other toys  ?

Sometimes I feel like spending time with friends,
And going for shopping and dining trips immense?

If sometimes I  feel bored of the cajoling and coaxing

And ensuring my child finishes her meal sometimes I find taxing?

If sometimes with the tantrums I am unable to put up with

And I feel  bored of narrating stories, singing lullabies and brushing teeth?

If sometimes spending some 'me' time is all I wish?

Maybe reading my favorite book or just lying around as much as I please?

I love my daughter so much, she's the best gift I could receive

But just sometimes if I miss the above, dear God will you forgive?

Holding my child in my arms, being able to touch and caress

Are out of the world feelings that I would never trade for anything else. 

But just sometimes I miss  life's little pleasures

And being able to enjoy them is all the heart desires

No I don't think I am a bad mother

I am but a human being just  like  any other

Childhood poems

On a recent trip to my parent's place in Goa, I discovered this poem collection that I had written as a child and decided to start a blog with these poems in order to preserve them.

This blog is still a work in progress, I am posting the poems one by one as and when I get time, so 

Do visit http://reshmaschildhoodpoems.blogspot.in/

:)

5 must haves for a successful daily soap

This post is also published on www.womensweb.in at  5-things-about-daily-soaps-that-completely-baffle-me/

1.      Large extended super rich families all living in peace and harmony

This is a sure shot formula for success.  Normal nuclear middle-class families where both partners work in a bid to catch up with inflation, pay huge EMIs and try to strike a balance between work life and kids are a strict no no. Instead larger than life stories far away from reality are the norm. Wondering how such extended families can co-exist so happily? Well don't forget the basic rule of the thumb while watching these shows,  keep your brains aside.  

2.      Women dressed to the nine.

No matter what the time of the day is, the women in the house should be geared up to flaunt their silk sarees and jewelry. Be it 6 am in the morning or 11 pm at night, the ladies should always have their lipstick and mascara intact. I wish they would share their secret with me for even a half hour stint in the kitchen leaves me drenched with sweat and my hair strewn as if I have run a marathon.  

3.      18th century ideologies packaged under the guise of culture and tradition which portray women in a most regressive way

 A few women clad in ghunghats under the guise of culture or women who are meek and submissive under the pretext of respect for elders or advocacy of superstition in the name of religion are the main ingredients behind a successful telly show. Well much as I  would like to question the sanity of the people who religiously follow such shows who am I to question this super hit formula? 
Rather I would like to use this platform to thank the people behind these shows for enlightening us ignorant folks about what is ‘right’ & ‘moral’ & what all decent women should do. Thanks to you now all would be mothers in law look for girls who can function as full time housekeepers, thanks to you we see matrimonial ads which go like “Wanted dutiful, obedient girl with good moral values”, thanks to you a career-oriented woman is considered immoral.

4.      Good women 

Now don't be misguided by the dictionary meaning of good for in the context of telly soaps good refers to a woman who possesses the following qualities:

• Her ‘Good’ behaviour often borderlines with foolishness
• She is straight out from a black and white film with "prannath main tumhare charno ki daasi ” attitude
• Her sugary sweet behaviour is often the reason for her mother in law’s diabetes, and makes you want to throw up
• She firmly believes silence is golden
• She would rather have the earth swallow her than defy her mother in law even for the most trivial matter
• She considers it a sin to dress in any attire other than sari or salwar kameez
• She has the ability to cry at the drop of a hat
• She follows a strict code of conduct by speaking only when spoken to
• The sole purpose of her life is to keep everyone in her family well fed

5.    Bad women

Again don't be biased by the literal meaning of this word, it merely refers to a woman who meets the following requirements:

• She has a flair for hatching evil schemes against family members
• She adheres to a strict dress code which includes low cut blouses and loud make-up
• Secretly listening behind doors is one of her prime duties
• She has least one extra marital affair preferably with a married man
• She dares to make her own decisions
• The whole purpose of her life is to plot against others
• She is bold enough to pursue a career

A side note though – Dear makers of these shows, with all due respect, I do not find your shows entertaining; rather I find them illogical, degrading to women and regressive. So please wake up. The world has progressed; it’s high time you move on too.

My Top 5 books..

As a follow up to my previous post, I am listing my top 5 books:

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

This is my all time favorite, I must have read it at least a 50 times but still fall in love with the characters every time I read it. The entire plot revolves around the main protagonist Elizabeth Bennett and a wealthy but proud man, Mr Darcy. Mr Darcy whose pride pushes him to prevent his close friend from marrying Elizabeth's sister because of her poor connections and ill mannered family is willing to forsake the same pride for his own love interest. On Elizabeth's part, the blind prejudice which she has for Mr Darcy keeps the readers enthralled. Other than that, the author paints a most authentic picture of 17th century England and one can almost visualise the life of the English people during those times, the class distinction in the English aristocracy, the dainty houses and the picturesque countryside. All in all a wonderfully told tale.

Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less - Jeffery Archer

Four men get cheated by one person. Realising that there is no legal recourse they decide to steal their money back. How each one of them comes up with a brilliant plan to outsmart the fraudster who conned them constitutes the rest of the story and an unexpected climax makes this a most fascinating read.

The Partner - John Grisham
Story of how a brilliant lawyer plans to steal money and defeats all odds of getting caught but in the end himself is betrayed by the one person he trusted. Again a most unexpected ending, wonderfully told tale like all John Grisham novels.

If Tomorrow Comes - Sidney Sheldon

Story of a gullible young woman who while seeking revenge for her mother’s death is caught in a net laid by her mother's perpetrators. Abandoned by her fiance and with no one to turn to, the rest of the plot elaborates how she survives against all odds and  seeks retribution and  her transition from a naive young woman to a seasoned thief makes a very interesting read.

The Bourne Identity - Robert Ludlum

In the first of the Jason Bourne series, a man wakes up with no memory of who he is or where he comes from. How he tries to discover his identity using just some vague recollections from the past to guide him amidst deadly attacks by unknown parties makes this a most action packed novel and you just cannot put it down till you reach the end.

A Gift of a Lifetime...

Today I read an Archie comic book after ages which made me reminisce my childhood days. I started reading at a very young age thanks to my dad who being an avid reader himself encouraged me and my younger sister to read very early on. The first book I ever read was a 'Tinkle' comic probably when I was 6 or 7 year old. What started as a casual pass time to put off temporary boredom turned out to be a lifetime obsession. From comics like Tinkle, Amar Chitra Katha,  Walt Disney, Phantom and Mandrake to Enid Blyton books like simple bedtime stories, school stories about Mallory Towers and St Clare's to detective mysteries like famous five and secret seven I was totally hooked. I remember curling up in some corner of the house with a book in hand and my favourite snack.  During summer vacation I would read endlessly from morning to night.  

During my teens, it was Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys and Agatha Christie who caught my attention. Hercule Poirot is my favourite character.
And then I discovered english fiction again thanks to my dad who has a huge collection of books. Ken Follett, Jeffery Archer, Sidney Sheldon became some of my favourite authors. Be it a murder investigation by Sidney Sheldon or a law trial by John Grisham or a war story by Jeffrey Archer or an epic by Ken Follett, I love them all. Other than English fiction I also love reading English classics and Jane Austen is one of my favourite authors. Nothing beats the thrill of starting a book and putting it down only after reading the last page. Even as I write this I am thinking of writing a follow up post about my favourite books :)

Reading not only improved my vocabulary but also gave me a wide exposure to the world. Plus it helps me relax and unwind and is a welcome change from the daily routine. 

Though I still love reading, I don't find that much time thanks to a 4 year old who keeps me on my toes all day long and of course my smartphone to which I'm glued whenever I can sneak in a few moments. Even then I still try to catch up with some reading whenever I lay my hands on a good novel.

And then a sudden realisation hit me.  Had it not been for my dad I would never have discovered the joy of books, so is it not my duty to give this wonderful gift to my daughter ? It most certainly is and by imbibing a reading hobby in my child I hope to give her a gift of a lifetime. 

 

10 Parenting rules..

We parents always lay down rules for our kids to follow. But in this post, I would like to put down some parenting rules. I don't intend to say I'm a perfect parent because I know I'm far from perfect. I make mistakes and I know that even as I write this I will break my own rules and still end making the same mistakes.  If not anything, this post will at least serve as a reminder to get myself in order the next time I misbehave with my kid J

1.      Never lose your cool in front of children.  You may pretend to be angry but don’t really be. A parent in a fit of rage is the worst sight for a child. Moreover children ape parents so if you hit them more likely that they are going to hit you back.

2.      Just as you reprimand your child for bad behaviour, appreciate good behaviour too.

3.      Difficult as it is to control your temper when your kid is throwing a tantrum, refrain from throwing one yourself for this will only make matters worse. Instead, divert their attention (and yoursJ), and things will automatically cool down.

4.      You may have had a bad day, or be upset about something or at someone, but don’t take it out on the child. Children find such erratic behavior from parents very hard to comprehend and it confuses them.

5.      You got to become a child sometimes while dealing with children.  Sometimes scolding and yelling does not work but explain to them in a way that they understand and that will do the trick. 

6.      When your child is telling you something, don’t just ignore it as useless blabbering, but listen. And I don’t mean just hear what they say, actually listen to them and try to sort their problems. However small and insignificant it may seem to you, those might be the biggest problems they have.

7.      If you promise your child something, keep the promise.  This will not only build their trust in you, but will also go a long way in inculcating the quality of keeping their word.

8.      Rather than trying to keep your kids away on a busy day involve them in your work. Give them small tasks to do. This will keep them out of mischief and also help you bond with your child. Plus children love it when parents involve them; it makes them feel big and wanted.

9.      If you want your child to do something, tell them not to do it and 9 times out of 10, they will do it. Not only children, adults also have the tendency to do exactly the opposite of what they are told so this more almost works every time!!

10.  And finally, you need immense patience while dealing with kids. Kids take their own sweet time for everything, whereas we adults are always dictated by the clock.  Don't let this become a cause of battle between you and your child. Let your child be a child.

Time to show off :)

Two of my blog posts published in women's web online magazine :)

1) Six things I have learnt from my child

2) Blessed with a girl