The year that was 2013

End of another year. Its that time of the year when one gets philosophical and starts reflecting on the year that has been. Overall this has been a good year.
This year brought about great change in my personal life that being the transition from being a software professional to a full time stay at home mum. Looking back i think it was a good decision. 
My mum celebrated her 60th birthday in march this year.. a milestone achieved.  Here's hoping she celebrates many more such milestones.
June saw my daughter start her schooling. As she stood in front of me wearing school uniform for the first time I couldn't help but wonder when my baby grew so big.  And I felt so proud.  Here's wishing my baby good luck for a wonderful academic life ahead.
In September  my daughter experienced Ganesh chaturti celebration in my native village in Goa for the first time in her life and thoroughly enjoyed it.  September also saw my daughter turn 3. Yet another milestone. November brought about the festival of lights diwali. Again something Anagha thoroughly enjoyed.  Though these festivals happen every year, this year they were special due to Anagha's participation and hence deserve a mention in the year's summary.
November saw a trip to kerala. Though it was partly spoilt by the strike situation due to which we missed out on much of  the site seeing Anagha totally enjoyed the elephant ride and houseboat stay which made the trip memorable.
December saw my cousin Sharvari's wedding in Mumbai as an occasion to meet and catch up with cousins after years followed by a trip to Goa. Hubby is out of the country on a work trip and so thoroughly conspicuous by his absence.
Today is 31st and here I am celebrating the new year with my parents,  sister and family. Feeling partly emotional as sister is relocating out of the country so it might be long before we celebrate together as a family again.
Anyways here's hoping the new year ushers in good health, happiness and cheer to everyone.  Happy New Year !!!

Just a housewife?

Yesterday I met an ex colleague of mine first time after I quit work.  When she saw me the first thing she exclaimed was "oh you have become so thin I expected you would have put on some weight since you are now relaxing at home". Though those were not her exact words what she meant was roughly on the same lines. 
How do I deal with people who think being a full time mum is less taxing than a job in the software industry?  
My typical day begins at 6:30 AM when I rush to prepare breakfast.  After hubby leaves for work at 7:45 AM it’s only me who has to do everything right from brushing my daughter's teeth to feeding her breakfast and bathing her. Only I know how daunting each of these tasks is. Rest of the morning is largely spent in cooking, getting my daughter dressed and dropping her to school. After a quick lunch I rush to pick up Anagha from school followed by chores like getting her changed, feeding her lunch and putting her to sleep after which I am so exhausted that I have to take a nap. Evenings are spent in again feeding Anagha, taking her out to play and dinner preparation. And of course in between there are miscellaneous chores like folding clothes, filling water, watering the plants, etc. By the time I am ready to hit the sack I am completely drained out and have zero energy left so where is the question of relaxing at home?
What people do not realise is that in an office job the work hours are fixed, you get paid holidays/vacations, weekends off and a heavy pay packet.  I work from morning to night with no weekend offs and no salary or appreciation for good work and yet people think I am relaxing at home. Forget appreciation, one badly cooked meal and I am at the receiving end.  Does it bother me that a very highly paid successful professional at one time, now I am reduced to doing mundane work?  Yes sometimes it does. I feel like I am losing my identity, I feel the urge to go out and do something.  So do I want to go to the lifestyle I had when I was working full time? Certainly not!

When I quit my full time job, I had this notion of that I am doing this for my daughter, I will be able to raise my child my way. To some extent I have been successful and my daughter has certainly started bonding with me much better than before. And I definitely feel relaxed not having to constantly worry about deadlines, take client calls at odd hours and having the freedom to do what I want and when I want. So then why am I complaining? I guess because it is human tendency to never be satisfied and always complain.  The grass is definitely greener on the other side of the fence.

Six things I have learnt from my 3 year old

1) Take pleasure in the small things in life. So be it just watching pigeons from the window or licking her fingers while eating chocolate, the expression on her face is worth watching. We adults are always in the pursuit of some bigger pleasures that we miss out on the finer joys in life. We miss out on our present.

2) Show your appreciation.  Many times Anagha randomly comes and hugs me and kisses me. Ask her why and she will say because you picked me up from school or because you gave me water to drink. This is something we should definitely learn from kids because many a times we hold back on even saying a simple thank you, not because we don’t want to but because we let our egos come in the way.

3) Laugh heartily. Anagha laughs for simple things and her laughter is so from the heart, so genuine that it makes me wonder why we adults are eternally grumpy and grieving about something or the other. 

4) Do not hold grudges. Many times I lose my patience and yell at Anagha unreasonably.  But children forget easily and forgive even more easily. So when I go to Anagha after a while she gives me her same sweet smile and goes on blabbering normally as if nothing has happened. Again something worth learning, life is too short to hold on to bitter thoughts and playing blame games on whose fault it was. Just forgive and let go of the resentment, it will save you precious time.

5) Go slow. We adults are always in a hurry. We finish the chore at hand and rush towards the next task.  But kids enjoy each and everything they do. So after giving Anagha a bath she splashes water in the tub and only comes out after the last drop of water has drained from the tub. She does not treat bathing as a chore but fully enjoys it. If we adults treat chores which we anyways have to do with a little more enthusiasm wouldn’t it make the work at hand a little less taxing?

6) Be content. We have told Anagha  that every time she finishes a meal, God will reward her with a candy in her father’s pocket. So after finishing a meal she very religiously prays to God with her eyes closed and hands folded while I quietly slip the candy in my husband’s pocket. Anagha then comes and check’s her dad’s pocket and when she gets her sweet, she is elated.  She gleefully runs off to say thank-you to God and then munches on her chocolate. That is it, she is satisfied, she does not ask for more. Again, a lesson worth learning since we adults are never satisfied, whenever we get what we want, we always crave for more.

Diwali...

Of all the Indian festivals, Diwali is my favourite. I think it’s because the bright lights and vibrant colours fill me with positivity and enthusiasm.

What do I like about Diwali the most? Is it the lighting of diyas or drawing rangolis? Or is it the abhyangya snan with ‘moti soap’ and ‘utne’ on Narakchaturdashi day or the Laxmi puja? I don’t know.

Diwali brings back a lot of fond memories of celebrating this festival as a kid with my parents, sister, aunts, uncles and cousins. In Goa, there is this tradition of preparing effigies of “Narkasura”, the demon who was supposedly killed by Lord Krishna on Diwali day. These effigies are burnt early morning on Narakchaturdashi day.  As kids, we would wake up early in the morning and start drawing Rangoli and lighting diyas.  In Goa, there is also the tradition of preparing 4-5 types of fov (Poha). My mum and aunts would wake up early morning and start cooking. After the Diwali Aarti, we would all devour the fov.  We would also distribute them among our Catholic neighbours.

Now I am married and Diwali means to me a lot of other things. It means celebrating the festival in my own house, with hubby, in laws and now my daughter. It means shopping for the Diwali lantern and diyas and lighting up my house. It means getting all decked up and having the Laxmi Puja at home.

This year a certain incident had left me depressed.  Hubby and I were in no mood to celebrate. But my daughter’s excitement about Diwali fills me with renewed enthusiasm.  She is excited about everything, the colourful rangoli and the bright lights. She has even demanded for a dress with “oodni (duppata)” this Diwali. I think it’s the festival that works it magic on everyone, no one is spared.

Time has changed, situations have changed, and circumstances have changed. Although I may not be in the best of spirits this year, I sincerely hope and pray this Diwali brings everyone health and happiness throughout the year.

Fair is not beautiful. .

You may read the title twice and even think I made a typing mistake when you see the heading of this post. Most people will consider my statement contradictory. Am I not in my right mind then to make a statement I know will be considered contradictory? Or am I downright mad? No, I am just a mother wondering how to bring up my daughter in this crazy world where fair is considered to be a synonym for beauty and beauty a pre-requisite for success.

How do I convince my daughter that skin color and external features are really not that important when we still see matrimonial ads in which prospective grooms are on the lookout of fair and beautiful brides?

At family weddings many a times I overhear well meaning aunts discuss how the groom is lucky to have got a fair bride. As if a fair bride makes a good wife!  How do I convince my daughter that such beliefs are extremely regressive and that any person (be it man or woman) should be judged by his/her character/education/achievements rather than by skin color or external features?

Whenever I turn on the TV, I see beauty cream commercials that promise the sun and moon if one applies a cream of their brand. How do I prevent her from becoming a prey to their marketing gimmicks? These ads propagate ridiculous lies about beauty creams helping get a job or winning contests. How do I overthrow this propaganda ?

How do I inculcate the belief that in order to be successful the prime requirements are hard work and determination and not good looks? That one needs to set goals, stay focussed and work towards them?

How do I convince her that beauty is skin deep and it is more important to be a good human being?

Though I have been lucky that my parents never let this bog me down as a child it used to bother me when my not so lucky cousins would be taunted that they would not get good husbands. How do I ensure that my daughter in turn grows up with the same self belief?

All these questions haunt me for I do not have answers. This infatuation, no I would rather call it obsession is very deep rooted in our culture. Unknowingly and in subtle ways, it has become a part of our lives. Frightening as it is, we have no option but to brace ourselves and live with it.

Ganesh chaturti 2013

Finally I was going to visit my native village after 7 long years for Ganesh chaturti. I was super excited. This is the first time I was taking my daughter Anagha and I was very eager that she participates in the Ganesh Chaturti celebrations and experiences the fun we had as children. As we drove through the narrow roads on our way to my ancentral village, the childhood days flashed in front of my eyes and I started reminiscing about those days when we would all get together and celebrate the 5 day long Ganesh chaturti festival with much ado. We have a huge ancentral house at our native village in Panchawadi in Goa where my extended family (descendents of ny great grandfather's father) get together for this festival. With fond memories in my mind of singing aartis loudly and sitting on the huge balkav (patio) outside the house or playing a variety of games I looked forward to reliving those experiences all over again.
The moment I arrived in panchawadi I sensed a changed air but couldn't pinpoint my finger on what was it that was different. The balkav which at one time would be so occupied that we kids were made to sit in the older ones lap, now has a deserted look. The aartis have lost their spirit and are sung just for the sake of it.  At one time there used to be 2-3 pangats for meals now the few scattered people self serve food at sit wherever they find  place. It then struck me that the biggest culprit is time. Time has passed and along with it made changes that are irreversible.  I looked around and found that everyone has suddenly aged. All my uncles who used to be enthusiastic participants in the balkav conversations now have some or the other health issues thereby making the evening gatherings scanty.  Several of my cousins who used to be active coordinators in the games and other activities are now married thus leaving a void never to be filled.
I am feeling sad to see a once flourishing house decay slowly. I sincerely pray to Ganpati Bappa to restore this house to its past glory.

Proud to be a woman

Not sure when woman’s day is but thought of writing this post as a tribute to all the women I know!! The "I" below does not always literally refer to me but to all the women I know particularly my mother, mother in law, my sister my friends and others in my family. 

Ten reasons I am proud of being a woman

1.     My parents brought me up without making me feel inferior to boys.

2.     I am the mother of a most beautiful child coincidentally a girl.

3.     I am blessed to be married to a man who firmly believes that women are capable of more than just cooking and looking after kids and has never prevented me from doing anything I wanted to just because I am a woman. 

4.     I have the inborn ability to adapt to any situation a quality rarely seen in men. How else would you explain the tradition of women leaving their parents home after marriage and not men?

5.     If I set my mind to it I can achieve anything I want.

6.     I can do everything a man does and much more.  So while men can only scale heights at their workplace but act like a piece of furniture at home women can handle work and yet come home and fix a meal, do other chores read the kids a bedtime story and put them to sleep before calling it a day. 

7.     I love my parents in a way no son can love.

8.     I am compassionate and thoughtful and emotional. 

9.     I have the ability to multitask, so I can brush my child's teeth and prepare breakfast at the same time.

10. I am selfless when it comes to my family, the “me” is given the least priority.